Finding God February 15 2021, 0 Comments
Change is personal.
When faced with major life changes each person handles these transitions differently, just as different as we are as individuals. The level of "Transition Struggle" is due to different factors in our life, such as our energy, mindset, levels of stress, and history of resilience, just to name a few.
For years, I struggled finding my place in the world. I was a
stay-at-home mom for 16 years, then began to transition out of being a full-time mom. It was a long, hard road navigating this change. Of course I will always a be a mom, but now in a different capacity.
As I tried to work through that struggle, it put a strain on my marriage. Then the marriage became a struggle. Unfortunatly, my marriage came to an end. Last year we just couldn't hold on anymore. I decided the best move for all of us was for me to leave.
I wasn't happy in Maryland. I didn't fit in. I was self medicating my unhappiness with drinking. Drinking excessivly. It was time for a much needed change as the path I was on was destructive.Leaving the state, the East Coast, was the right plan for me. Staying, as my son said, would have killed me. I don't drink anymore, well not like I used to. I may have a glass of wine once in awhile, but not like I used to. I am in a better place now, but still struggling with the transistion. Not the transition of a divorce, but the transition of being a mom.
I get sad, pretty much every day, missing my kids. It would even get angry with God. Asking why? How could you?
Since heading out West to the mountains of Colorado, I talk to God every day with tears rolling down my cheeks. Asking the why's and the how could's. Funny thing is, he answers me. I don't always hear it the first time as it takes a while to really understand what is happening.
There were days I thought I was being punished... Karma sorta speak... for things I did. Neil set me straight on that. He said, "God does not punish you, everything happens for a reason. You may not see it now, but there is a reason."
He is right. It's not God's fault, and I am not being punished.
This whole experience has brought me closer to Him. I still have a lot of healing and accepting to do. Truth be told, during those dark days I would pray. I didn't truly believe though. Why did I pray? It's what I was taught to do. It's what you do in hard times. I prayed to God wanting this life of adventure, to have my own "Jeep Momma's Garage" and to find that person to share my life with who wanted the same adventure,and to find happiness. He was listening.
I am not being punished. I was heard. Now it is time I accept this change in my life. The change I asked for and the change I needed. I need to accept my new role as a mom too. That's a hard one though.
I read somewhere...“When you want to have a close relationship with someone you spend hours of time with that person. That’s how you fall in love with God. You get to know Him on a one-on-one basis. That’s what happens when you’re forced through your pain to spend hours of time praying for relief, help, and strength.
As horrible as it is to struggle with the guilt and sadness, I am becoming stronger person. I am stronger in my faith.
Meeting Neil has also made me a better person. Neil is teaching me many things about myself as well. Like he always says everything happens for a reason.
ROMANS 8:28 We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”
Lord Jesus, as I cry out to You in my pain, praying for relief and help and strength, I pray that I grow to be a better person—strong, wise, and mature in You. Amen.
Let God comfort you through His Word.
Philippians 4: 5-6 “The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”